I am going to start by saying that Tuesday, the 2nd day in Utah, was the worst.

We woke up and started the day thinking that the pregnancy counselor would be arriving by 3pm to help us figure out the next steps along this journey.

By late afternoon, after a breakfast at Cracker Barrel and a nap, I texted birth grandma (who I will now refer to as Nana at her request) to see when the counselor would arrive. I was told the counselor got delayed. At this point, I am anxious because I haven’t seen Brynlee at all, and I don’t know what is going on in this process of legal paperwork, etc.

I made a call to our case worker and left her a message. I probably sounded frantic because I felt so confused and unprepared for what we were dealing with. Ben took me to Chili’s to try and distract me with some of my favorite food. By that point all of our family and friends were checking in with us and I was losing my mind. Not only did I have no answers, but I had no emotional energy to explain that to all the people who care about us.

Our caseworker called me back, and quickly answered my questions. I have to say, she is a rockstar. She has been on maternity leave during our home study and waiting time, and she has still been there for us. For those of you who are new to adoption, as we are, I will try to explain things in detail as we have gone through them.

My first question was “What are our rights at this point and what are the birth parents rights?” I’m sure we were told sometime before, but it wasn’t relevant then. In Utah (and I can’t speak for everywhere), the birthmother is the one who calls the shots up until paperwork is signed. In our case, because birth mom had a c-section, she will be hospitalized until Friday, and has the choice to keep baby with her until discharge. We have no rights to see her until then. How gracious our God is that we have adopted such an incredible birth family and were able to see and hold our daughter the same day she was born! It was not our right to do this, but they were gracious, and we don’t take that lightly.

My second questions was “When is the pregnancy counselor getting here and why is she not here yet?” In our case, the counselor got delayed in Denver and didn’t make it into town until late evening. Our case worker had the pregnancy counselor call us and set up a time to meet for Wednesday. Once we got that call, we learned that the counselor would meet with birth parents Wednesday morning and meet with us following that to communicate more about the “plan.”

If you know me at all, you know that I like to have a plan, unless I plan not to have a plan and be spontaneous. When it comes to our daughter, I wanted a plan. I wanted definite dates and times. In the words of an old friend, “That God’s a funny little monkey.” Meaning: God’s ways are higher than my ways and God’s thoughts are higher than my thoughts. God knows what’s best. I do not. I am learning to trust at a whole new level.

So, yesterday was a Hurry Up and Wait kind of day. This week will be a Hurry Up and Wait kind of week. We hurry to get here. Then we wait. How often do we hurry up and wait when God tells us to rest in His peace? How many times do we rush around to get things done, only to realize that we are missing the blessings that are right in front of us?

My prayer for all of you, no matter what you are going through, is that you can rest in the peace of God, and be grateful.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

Brooke